Love, Brokenness, and a PUSH

He speaks to me you know….He tells me things, He tells me how He loves me so...

But how do you know who He is? She ask…

I know because I saw him…

Saw Him!!!! What do you mean you saw Him? You saw the Man we read about in our Sunday school lessons? How so?

You know how my mom and dad always tell me that I’m their miracle child, but what they don’t know is He told me I was going to go to earth one day to help this man and woman who needed a stirring of their faith.  I told Him I was going to be sad to leave Him, but I knew what I needed to do. My parents told me one night that they waited so long for me to come to this world, but it was very hard to have me. But, as He and I looked afar He told me He was just waiting for a brokenness to come. Then He would be ready to release me to them.

What is brokenness?

Brokenness is when you get down on your knees and put your hands together and say “Jesus I need you, there is nothing more that I can do, I need more of you and less of me.” That is brokenness.

When did they become broke?

Hahahahaha…They became broke when my daddy got down on his knees one night, after my mom was asleep. He said “Jesus, today broke my heart, to hear the doctors say that my wife would not be able to have children after two miscarriages because of the ware and tare it did on her body. But, Jesus I know you can do the impossible. I am sorry, we are sorry, for continuously taking advantage of your love. So Jesus I give it all back, I only want what you have for us, and not what I want for us. It is your will Father and I trust you.”

What happened after that?

After my dad did that He came to me and said it is time my child! I descended from the Heavens and went into my mommy’s stomach, and then I was born. They said that Jesus told them not to give up and give it one more try then Jesus gave them a birthing and that is why they named me Angel.

What does He look like since you saw Him?

He looks like you!

Like me?

Yep!

Ummmm….

Jesus lives in you and He lives in me, He lives in anyone who receives and accepts Him to reign over their lives as their Savior. So, anyone that sees you sees Jesus!

How do you know?

I know because I believe in Him and now my mom and dad know Him to, it just took me to come to push them to want to know Him more.

What happens when you become broken? When you become broken, you set your heart free, you allow yourself to break down walls of hurt and shame and ask the Father for forgiveness and then you forgive yourself. When you do, the Heavens open up and as they open, your heart begins to mend, troubles come to an end, the salvation bell begins to ring, and the choir begins to sing…”He loves us, oh how He loves us, Oh, How he loves us…then your mind begins to renew itself, your feet start walking on a path destined for wealth. Your hands begin to clap together and your mouth begins to pray, your voice lifts High as you shout out the Highest Praise!

As the brokenness takes over you , the Heavens begin to release those answers to the prayers you prayed, the answers to the questions you raised, the secrets things beyond the grave…The Heavens begin to release the PUSH, the PUSH to help you run back to the Father, if you ran away, the PUSH to help you know more Him and less of yourself is the way, the PUSH to know He is the Father of making the impossible, possible and if we just listen He has many more words to say….

Psalms 51:16-17

For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. 

Its been a while....

Welcoming myself back...Welcoming God with more than just a welcome doormat...Opening the door and inviting Him in... doing so by releasing the true worship within, making Him feel like He can stay by sharing how thankful I am of His Grace...Letting His spirit reveal by opening my ears to hear...but first I must allow peace to come in and command my emotions and thoughts to be still...

 Oh Father Oh Father, you are doing some mighty mighty mighty things...people do not understand and frankly I do not expect them to until they really accept you as their Lord their Savior and allow their hearts to become broken and open to you, for you are mender, you are healer and their lives will never be the same after one touch from you God. Although the walk is not easy, but the burden is so light. Why is that? Because once we accept you as Lord and allow you to reign over our Lives we want know struggle, but we will know a trial and we will know a tribulation, but we will know that at then end of that trial and tribulation its you at the finish line saying you finished the race, what did you learn? what did my spirit reveal to you during the race? what are you going to share? and are you ready for the next race, He will place His hand on your shoulder and thank you for enduring the race, enduring that sweat, the loss of breath, the moments where you bent down placed your hands on your knees and said "Jesus I need you to help me finish this race" then all of sudden this energy will come like a great wind, giving you that breath, giving you that motivation and the next thing you know you have finished...See Jesus wants us to call out to him and say we need His help, because we are flesh and we cannot finish the race alone, because the flesh is weak, let me say that again, the flesh is weak, but the spirit is willing. Jesus said this to His own disciples, His own followers... Matthew 26:41 ..."For the Spirit is willing, but the Flesh is weak. See Jesus knows, He knows...but during that race we should be seeking and asking His Spirit to reveal to us...  

What is the spirit telling, speaking, revealing to you?
Jesus died for you and me... what does that in itself minister to you? 
You standing here, means you broke through, 
literally you broke through, 
you took a stand and told the enemy he couldn't have you, 
look at the miracle you are... 
standing bold, upright, and tall, no blessing no miracle, will ever be measured to you as small. For you know the God who sent his Son Jesus to catch you from that proposed situation that was set up to make you do more than fall, 
when your back was against the wall. 
God sent his son Jesus to plant the soles of your feet on a firm foundation, 
so when the time came, 
you were ready to answer to His call. 
Oh and when that day came... 
You said, Yes Jesus, Yes Father, Yes My Savior, Yes Lord 
I receive your power, I receive your love, I receive your guidance, 
Yes Father, I will run to you, 
I will seek you till I find you,
I will pray until I hear that voice breakthrough. 
For Jesus you are the link that keeps holding my me,
you are the link that eases my mind and helps me understand, 
you are my link...
I am the child and you are the Hand! 
Jesus its you I need, its you I want, Reign over my Life God,
Reign over my wants, 
Reign Father!! Reign!!

Came from Meditation

When we are put in those hard places those are the times where our Faith should increase the most, not slack off, we are suppose to prove God’s word is just. We are to keep pressing and spending time in that secret place and calling on God to reveal a plan for your current situation sometimes we have to have a wilderness experience because it’s a way to connect with God when you have tried everything else why not try God. We are in a drought season and all God wants is our time and commitment then that rain will come, the rain will be as tears from God’s eyes as we say Yes god all I want is you. I just want you and me God; the rain will pour upon your lives watering your seed of Faith. (Stay in a place of seeking until you really know what God is saying)
To stay there long enough for him to reveal something to you, if not concerning your own life, but for the lives of those around you. Let the Spirit of God speak to you and search you out, so you will know in your moment of doubt you can look back and say God saw and knew me when no one else did, He revealed His plan for me, unto me, and yet I still have unbelief. For I know that everything comes with work and patience and in the time of me waiting I should and will be asking God for wisdom and understanding in any area of my life that I lack it in.
A man shall live by having a fellowship with God, so wherever his feet tread it will be God leading the way guiding each step, preparing his mindset fixing his mouth guarding his tongue, strengthening his leg, warming his heart. Fellow-shipping with God will do all these things if we allow it, if we fully commit and love God enough to trust him with our lives then we will do what he has called us to do walk where he has called us to walk go where he has called us to go. Say what he has called us to say!

James 1:1-12

God I’m trusting, my heart and faith is put in you I realize I cannot do anything without you and if I try it doesn’t work, so God please hear me and my cry I’m barely hanging, how do I say the right goodbyes. I wanna know when to say hello I want to know where to go I want the right feelings to show and for my heart and face to glow,

An Hallelujah Moment

Today was such an interesting today, started off with a quick conversation with my boss, in which she asked how I was feeling, I responded saying I was feeling good and I was able to eat the foods on my diet plan again and keep it down, and that I believe that wreak shook up digestive nerves. She responded and said she was glad I was able to eat, and too bad I had to get banged up in order for that to happen, pray fully this is what you need to shake that stuff loose. I responded and said that sometimes a bang is needed to shake some stuff loose, I take it as a awakening from God, cause he surely has my ATTENTION now. That’s when it hit me. MY SHAKENING and AWAKENING from God. It wasn’t just a wreak any more God was shaking some things up in my life, and in my body. But, through all of this I must be obedient and take heed to what God is preparing me for and stray not away from it! My moment of solace came I just prayed and really cried out to God.
As the day continued on something interesting took place, with the rental car that I have its been really hard getting one of my residents in and out of it, so today as we were leaving Barnes & Nobles, I looked at her and said we are going to ask God to help make this easier for us. So we prayed and said God please help us to get in the car today with no trouble, as we were getting ready to place her legs in the car, God did such that, got her legs in with no problem. I immediately said Hallelujah.
A lot of times we want God to show up in the big things, but what about the small things, this to me was such a blessing and God truly did His thing. May not be impressive to some but it was impressive to me. He can show up wherever you need Him to show up, He says ask and it shall be given to you. (Matthew 7:7). And that is in fact what I did, and to have done in the present of my resident was amazing as well, just to show Godly character around her was important, so she could witness God can do anything!
As the day closes, I reflect on that conversation with my dad, as we were talking about covering, I told him I had to repent because I took advantage of the covering I had and when I got out from under the covering I stumbled upon some territory in which I knew I was not to be anywhere near, and I started straying…Covering is so important!! But as we were talking I said Dad I can ‘t keep saying I’m going through cause it is not right because this world is meaningless, God has me facing stuff for reason and purpose and it is up to me to get the revelation out of it, I told him I will now say God is preparing me and therefore I am in a preparation stage, because after my preparation stage I will enter a revelation stage, and then I will be at the destination stage!!

A call Away

Man the way I felt when I awoke Tuesday morning was indescribable, I honestly needed a friend right then and there, and I was hitting dead ends when it came to that friend. Soon my father called just in the nick of time, and 31 minutes with him to be exact, was truly all I needed. Man the way God’s presence showed up and how HIS divine anointing came through that phone, was like a dip in water. Man, just brings tears to my eyes as I think about. But, that goes to show how truly AMAZING GOD is…how can you not want to know such a GOD as He?

After that phone call I was literally on a spiritual high, I mean the tongues were flowing and the songs of worship were being played in my head, I just knew God was with me despite my downfalls and mistakes. I later thought as I was waiting for my rental car! Yes the girl that hit me insurance came through and granted me a rental car that would be ready by 12 noon…Thank you God! But as I awaited for it to be ready, I said God what must I do to stay here and keep this high? He said my child, you must seek, pray, meditate and gain control of what is important!!! Now just 20 mins before that my dad was just speaking with me about the message he taught this past Sunday, and the message entailed that we as individuals need to REFOCUS and gain control, get back to that center, the center being the HOLY SPIRIT, and when we refocus and meditate on the Holy Spirit then everything else will be covered!! It was one of those moments where I could only shake my head and say Thank ya!

A different Awakening

In this post and the next to follow, I will be sharing this past week experiences. Monday my goodness a day where my nerves were completely shaken in a way that was so traumatic, but through meditation and comfort I saw it as a spiritual shaking.

Let me back up, I had started doing a 3 day detox on Friday and man I was not feeling it the moment it started, but with my digestive tract getting off TRACK I had to suck it up and do it. So by Monday I was so warned down and pooped (lol), I was barely moving, I had even lost my voice. But I was hoping when I ate that that detox wouldn't be in vain.
So that Monday morning I started my day off with a biscuit(wrong food) and some juice. So far so good, I arrive at work and everything is still staying down, so I'm like yes it worked. At 11am I arrive at the office to meet with my boss and we conversed and such. So now I'm off to meet one of my staff for a drop off at 12 of one of my residents. I called my staff to see where they needed to meet at but no answer so I figured that I would pull over and wait for my staff to call back before I got completely on the other side of town. Here's when the SHAKEN OF MY NERVES CAME. I pull into the turning lane and BOOM!!!! I got hit on the right side of my car by another vehicle!!! All I could do was sit there take off my seat belt and open the door and throw my head back. The girl from the other car came around to my side and she was asking repeatedly was I okay?? Then she said can I pray with you, I immediately said sure. Right after she prayed, I had to throw up so I was like excuse me and I threw up. Right then the girl who just got finish praying with me CURSED, she was oh F*** oh S*** I'm like well Lawd I guess God want be answering that prayer. So I prayed to oneself to keep me covered.

Monday what a day, My awakening that I needed came but not in the way that I expected but that is how God works sometimes. As I made it through the check out process at the hospital and awaited for my ride, I just sobbed for a bit, I was just in awe of what had happened and just kept thanking God through it all. I finally made it home no car, could hardly eat, and no FAMILY, and that is what hurt me more. My family was a good 3 hours away, and I was going through this alone so to say.
Later that evening I went through an experience of contemplating breaking a vow that I had made and even played with the fire of that vow, but I knew I shouldn’t be entertaining it, so I removed myself from it. But, why was it hitting me then, I asked myself. I was just so weak and broken, and not in the way that God breaks you, but broken in my emotions so I was feeling pity for myself so to say.

I really did not know what to do at this point, I just wonder why my sickness wanted to act up and have me feeling like I was feeling, and why I was so estranged from my relationship, and why in the world did this accident have to happen to me....

Gone To Long

Where have I been? Although God has been placing things in my spirit I have yet to share it...

This past week has been so hard, I can't exactly put my finger on it, but, its like I'm in a field and there is no supply of water/food to help me, in a field where there is no one around...I've come to realize I feel like this because I'm looking for the means of people to be my way of escape and comfort and the need of water and food to be my nourishment. That is not what God wants from me. He has me here and my feelings because deep down I know that I need to be turning to Him through it all, the good and the bad. I can't look for people to be my means of escape because they to are flesh just like I am, they could verily well feel like I'm feeling, and if that becomes the case who is going to help who....

I got in my car today, and looked in the backseat I saw my black pocketbook and I knew what was in there. My WORD, My, HELP, My COMFORT, My PRESENT, FUTURE and PAST HELP, My SOURCE. I teared up...I just begin to say these words, "Your changing everything, one, two, three, your changing everything in me." As I said those words I said the change starts NOW not when I pick My source up, but when I say God Change Everything in ME. We as people can read our BIBLES all day everyday but if we are not reflecting what we are reading in our daily natures and in our spiritual growth, whom is it benefiting. Definitely not yourself or the people around you.
I realized at that moment, although God keeps opening my eyes day after day and giving me revelation, if I'm not studying my word and seeking Him earnestly, I will soon start to miss what God is showing me, and soon start to fall into a fleshly nature, and feel like I felt today and this past week....

James 4:8- Draw nigh to God, and he will nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. James 4:10- Humbles yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

Dear God,
We just thank you for being who you are and being true to your WORD, God I ask that you just open the eyes of the people and open their ears to hear. We have to start there, we have to start by asking God to open up the senses that need to be opened to get closer to you, that way when we Open our HEARTS, we will open them will everlasting love...